Thankfully the customer related fun and excitement doesn't always involve me. On occasion I'm lucky enough to get to hover just outside of the pain and suffering of my fellow co-workers and take in the majesty of assholes from a distance. For example, the other day my boss Don and I were closing up shop when an elderly Korean gentleman wandered in off the street. After the first few words were exchanged it became abundantly clear that the Korean man spoke absolutely zero English. Well, to be fair, he spoke one word of English. That word being "Thighs." Here's how the whole conversation went:
DON: Hi, how can I help you?
LIQUOR STORE OWNER: Thighs!
DON: What?
LIQUOR STORE OWNER: Thighs!
DON: You want to order wings?
LIQUOR STORE OWNER: NO! Thighs!
DON: I'm not sure...
LIQUOR STORE OWNER: THIGHS!
DON: Uhhh...so you want an order of wings. What size would you like?
LIQUOR STORE OWNER: Order thighs!
DON: *sigh* So, an eight piece or twelve piece?
LIQUOR STORE OWNER: ten!
DON: we don't...*rubs forhead* KFC has thighs. You should try going over there.
LIQUOR STORE OWNER: *hands Don food stamps*
DON: We don't have thighs. Try KFC. You'd love their selection. They'll have everything you want. They even accept EBT.
LIQUOR STORE OWNER: *aggressively shoves food stamps at Don again*
DON: *sigh* All right. An order of eight piece "thighs."
Think about that. Our store owner was pleading with the man to take his business elsewhere because he rather lose money than do this retarded dance. Can you imagine what would happen if Don went into a Circle K and started screaming "Car wash" at the Korean clerk? We'd be hit in the face with a flying roundhouse kick. That's what would happen. Yet, somehow it's appropriate for this guy to come in on the dole and repeatedly yell at our store owner for an item that doesn't even exist on our menu. Now, explain to me why people consider me the monster for asking other cultures to assimilate? I'm sure that the better part of the southern hemisphere would absolutely welcome a slice of little America in their community. I mean, I'm positive Honduras would love me leeching off their government programs (if they had government programs) and yelling at their small business owners. I'm not even saying that other cultures should learn English. I'm just saying that regardless of where your from or who you are, be respectful. Try grabbing a menu and pointing to what you want, don't take the only word you know and unrelentingly holler it at the high school dropout that's manning the store's oven. Just a thought.
