Jesus Christ Supertards

I have to touch on a rather touchy subject matter; religion. I'm all for people having their own set of beliefs. Everyone needs some sort of spirituality to achieve a level of completeness. Whether it's a scientifically oriented form of spirituality, Catholicism, or the devout worship of the majesty that is mayonnaise covered corn, it's your call. I'm all for whatever makes you less an asshole and more a fulfilled individual. 

What I don't need is a pack of 20 year-old Mexicans deciding to stand on the corner of the busiest street in town jumping in and out of traffic with signs that say, "Jesus is alive" and, "Christ loves you." Don't get me wrong, I fully support your right to wave around whatever misguided sign you feel like shoving in other people's faces. If you want to waste your time and accomplish nothing, then that's your prerogative. What's unacceptable is that every time I'd pull up to the stop light that these Sunday night marauders liked to hang out on, they'd jump in front of my car while screaming at me that Jesus will save me. I'm not talking about a polite raising of the voice here either. I'm mean, they were doing their best to blow out their vocal chords while running into the street and aggressively shoving the business end of their over-sized poster-board into the window of my car. They'd also hit the crosswalk button and repeatedly meander from one side of the street to the other in an effort to get their retarded point across and to apparently waste all of our time. This was just a little more than slightly inconvenient when it came to delivering pizzas in a timely fashion. To me it seems like the tactic of wasting everyone's time might dissuade more people than it persuaded. I mean, does the church really think that sending out these cronies would make someone pause and say, "You know what? That tear drop tattoo that was being pressed up against the side of my windshield while I was being verbally victimized really touched me and my inner cholo. I think I'm going to take a bath, drink some Horchata and reread Leviticus when I get home." No, I think it's going to make us all rethink giving amnesty to half of South America. Also, I didn't know JC was a huge fan of ruining the commute of people trying to get home to their families. I personally think Christ would be much more fond of his Hispanic brethren volunteering their time by feeding the homeless and tossing in an extra couple of pesos the next time the Sunday tithe comes around. 

Also, why the aggressiveness? Is your screaming and intimidation supposed to really hit the point home that the J man loves me? Because all it makes me want to do is lock my car doors and not visit Tijuana. I'm just saying, both me, my fellow commuters, and the customers that are waiting on their pizzas would appreciate it if you stuck to hanging out at Home Depot and stopped trying to find your way underneath the bumper of my Honda Civic.